New member joins BGN, Hampshire's most cryptic business networking group

Candles flickered on ancient iron wall brackets as the Initiate stepped nervously across the stone floor of the underground chamber, lest her bare feet should step upon the holy and arcane symbols carved into the slabs. Carefully, she followed the prescribed Path of the Applicants towards the dais.

Her eyes lowered in the required attitude of the supplicant, she stopped before the raised platform, upon which stood the Grand Chairman. His otherwise naked body was, mercifully, draped in scarlet robes, his name badge of office weighing heavily around his neck from its nylon lanyard. 

Standing silently to his left was the Secretary, bearing the Book of Names. This ancient tome was opened to a new page upon which the Initiate hoped her own name would soon be inscribed with the ceremonial “Pen of Four Colours”, jealously guarded by the Matriarch of Stationery Things, standing to his rear.

The mumbled chants of the gathered membership, clad in dark, hooded robes, was silenced as The Timekeeper struck the Bell of Summoning with his gnarled fist. 

“Who do you represent?” asked the Chairman, his hollow, bloodless voice echoing around the chamber, which was set deep beneath the House of Talbot, a gothic pile the stones of which were mortared with the misery of the slaves who built it, centuries before. 

“Partnership HR,” replied the petitioner, her hands pressed together in an attitude of prayer to the gods of personnel administration. 

“What do you seek?” challenged the Grand Chairman, his voice rising in full authority as Master of the Order’s governing body, the Council of Fools. 

“Good quality business referrals without the overbearing regulations of other networking groups that shall not be named,” replied the woman. 

“And what is the price you must pay for that which you seek?” 

The Initiate had undergone weeks of preparation for this moment, enduring exacting tests including Trial by Pitch, the never-ending Ordeal of the Punning Frenchman and getting up early every Wednesday morning. Now, all came down to how she would answer this final question. 

“£45 each month, the constant quest for business opportunities … and my very soul,” she replied, carefully repeating the words in which she had been schooled by her mentor, Wendy the Administrator. 

“Then you are deserving of membership of East Hampshire’s most hermetic business networking group, announced the Grand Chairman. Turning to the Matriarch of Stationery Things, he ordered, “Bring forth the red-hot branding stapler …” 

And so began another meeting of BGN, East Hampshire’s most esoteric business networking group, which meets every Wednesday morning at Langrish House for a chance to network over breakfast and swap business opportunities.

BGN procession

BGN members collecting for charity at the Petersfield Festivities

This week, we gave our traditional, and (very) warm welcome to new member Kelly Murrell of Partnership HR before launching into our usual routine of 60-second pitches, presentation and a fine breakfast. This week we passed 17 good quality referrals around the room, with only three demons being accidentally summoned this time, and all dealt with by members of staff. 

Fancy some real networking that works? Try BGN 

If you’re looking for a network in which to grow your business, then the Business Growth Network may just be for you! 

We’re throwing our doors open to visitors in May so if you think your business will benefit, then come along as a guest - your first visit is free! 

BGN meets at Langrish House on any Wednesday morning of the week, at 6.45am for 7am, for networking and breakfasting, and has normally had enough by 8.30am.

If you’re interested in meeting more than 30 like-minded people who can act as your unofficial sales staff, or familiars, then contact us.

This blog post was brought to you by Bill Blogs “Making it up is much more fun.” 

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